Just fell off a train. Bad.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
