That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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