I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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