TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
