He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
