I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
one might say we're banned from that church
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
