I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
