I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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