Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
