i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
