thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
