I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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