I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
