After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
