You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
If its not for food we ain't going out.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
