if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
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