Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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