I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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