New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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