dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
