I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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