I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
