I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
