If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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