no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
did i just pee glitter
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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