you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
