he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
