i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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