do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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