Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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