Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
