I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
