So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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