Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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