I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
