I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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