Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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