home. puking in laundry basket.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
