I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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