After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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