the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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