I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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