how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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