I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
