i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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