I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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