When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
