cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
