First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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