I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
