He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
