Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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