upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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