ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
