He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
