Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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